Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
