Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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