I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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