he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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