I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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