so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
