I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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