Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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