I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
