these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
