I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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