if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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