no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
