someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
