not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think my moral compass just broke
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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