You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
