how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
