I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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