She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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