and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
