I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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