My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
