You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
