I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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