i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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