I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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