Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
