Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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