If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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