I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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