So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
