dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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