i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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