I hate all girls vehemently.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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