Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize