The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
