Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
