Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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