So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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