Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
