I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
