maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
