Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
