So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
