If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
