i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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