My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
