I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
