this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you never un-have a 4some
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