Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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