Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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