That's intense
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
