I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
