It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
