I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
