Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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