While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
