Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
