I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
