my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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