If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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