I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
