my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize