he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
