she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
