I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
