dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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