dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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