Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
