Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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