Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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