Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
