The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize