I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
