seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
