Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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