This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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