I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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